Farley's quirky -- and flawless! -- game predictions.
Despite their 35-17 romp in Miami, last Sunday proved to be no day at the beach for the Oakland Raiders. Irate over their team’s embarrassing performance against the Raiders of the lost cause, Dolphins fans pelted the Oakland buses with rocks and bottles as they attempted to exit the grounds of the stadium. One bottle shattered a window on the fourth of the six Raiders buses and, while no one was injured, the damage to the vehicle was regarded as significant enough that the driver declared it unsafe for travel and its occupants were ushered onto the other team buses. According to newspaper accounts of the incident, the main assailant in the attack wasn’t captured. For reasons which should be rather obvious, Dolphins quarterback Trent Green, who had two of the 25 passes he threw in the game intercepted (he’s tied for the league lead in that department with seven) and now ranks a lowly 24th among passers in the NFL, was immediately ruled out as a suspect. One would have to think the NFL is extremely concerned about the situation that unfolded in southeastern Florida last Sunday. I mean, it’s never a good thing when a franchise’s fans hit harder than their team. New England 38, Cleveland 14 – It is 2007, which leads me to wonder how it is that the Bengals showed up for work against the Patriots this past Monday night with four healthy linebackers (by night’s end, that number had dwindled to two). Take out a “Help Wanted” ad in the local newspaper. Blog on MySpace. Do anything. But don’t show up to play an NFL game with four healthy linebackers. Arizona 19, St. Louis 13 – Earlier this year, forest rangers in the northern Italian Alps spotted an Albino mountain goat for the very first time and named him “Snowflake.” So a mountain goat named “Snowflake” has shown up one more time than a Ram named Marc Bulger has this year. Tennessee 28, Atlanta 12 – Kudos to Michael Wilbon of the Washington Post, who, some time back, wrote: “Personally, I’d like to see Vick locked in a cage with six to eight of those pit bulls and nothing but his hands to use in his own defense.” Let’s take a bite out of crime. New Orleans 23, Carolina 14 – What’s the difference between former Boston Celtics player and coach M.L. Carr and Panthers quarterback David Carr? M.L. Carr used to wave a towel. Based on the evidence I saw last Sunday, David Carr should throw in the towel. Of course, if he did, it would fall incomplete. Washington 20, Detroit 17 – Informed by the Lions that the name belongs to their flagship station, WXYT, has the right to use the name, WDFN is now soliciting names for what it had been calling “The Lions Post-Game Show.” Among the suggestions: “Watched This Team Ruin My Father's Life/Health Post-Game Show.” Jacksonville 9, Kansas City 6 – A hearing is set Wednesday for Bill Maas, the former Fox Sports broadcaster and NFL player who spent the bulk of his career with the Chiefs, following his arrest in Peoria, Ill., earlier this year on drug possession and weapons charges following a roadside safety check. Police reportedly found a .22-caliber revolver, 5 grams of suspected marijuana, 6 grams of suspected cocaine and 28 pills of Ecstasy in his vehicle. Just say no, Maas. Houston 25, Miami 17 – On a similar note, customs officers in Sydney, Australia, discovered nearly 10.5 ounces of Ecstasy tablets hidden inside a Mr. Potato Head toy being sent from Ireland, the agency said Thursday. Wow! Mr. Potato Head was baked. New York Giants 28, New York Jets 20 – Giants defensive end Osi Umenyiora beat Eagles left tackle Winston Justice for a club-record six sacks last week. I haven’t seen anyone escape justice like that since O.J. Simpson. Pittsburgh 17, Seattle 16 – Speaking of Seahawks wide receiver Deion Branch (just work with me here), a fellow from Manchester, N.H., by the name of James Coldwell was arraigned in July after, police said, he duct-taped tree branches to his head and torso and robbed a Citizens Bank branch in that city. Maybe this is going out on a limb, but I really would think, of all people, a guy dressed as a tree would realize that money is the root of all evil. Indianapolis 31, Tampa Bay 13 – So I’m watching TV and I see a commercial in which Fathead wall graphics (whose subjects include Colts Peyton Manning and Marvin Harrison and the Bucs’ Carnell Williams) are hyped as “possibly the best invention since the flush toilet.” Then ESPN’s Stuart Scott comes on and I quickly realize Fatheads can’t possibly be the best invention since the flush toilet. Nope. It’s the mute button. Baltimore 7, San Francisco 3 - If LPGA golfer Laurel Kean dated 49ers safety Jermaine Hardy, you would have a relationship between Laurel and Hardy. Denver 23, San Diego 21 – The Denver Post recently reported that a marijuana legalization group known as Safer Alternative for Enjoyable Recreation is pushing to get Ricky Williams to the Broncos. The group plans on erecting a billboard across from Invesco Field at Mile High that reads, “Ricky, come to Denver … where the people support your SAFER choice.” So that’s why they call it the “Mile High City.” Green Bay 27, Chicago 14 – It was a day of milestones for these two teams last Sunday. On the same day the Packers’ Brett Favre eclipsed Dan Marino for the all-time NFL record for career touchdown passes (422 and counting), the Bears’ Brian Griese approached the depths of Rex Grossman for utter futility at the quarterback position (three interceptions, two in the red zone). Dallas 34, Buffalo 6 (Monday night) – If Cowboys wide receiver Sam Hurd played for the Bills, he’d be a Buffalo Hurd. Last week: 5-9 Season: 35-26 Flawless Farley’s NFL picks column appears in The Sunday Enterprise.