|
Redwood Falls Gazette - Redwood Falls - MN
Tracy Beckerman is Lost in Suburbia and trying to hold onto just a little bit of her former, COOL, pre-mom self!
The New Ten-ish Commandments
email print
About this blog
Nationally syndicated columnist and author Tracy Beckerman is \x34Lost in Suburbia\x34 ­ managing the chaos with a healthy dose of humor. Her next book, a \x34momoir,\x34 will be published in spring 2013. She contributes to many online mom sites, ...
X
Family Humor
Nationally syndicated columnist and author Tracy Beckerman is \x34Lost in Suburbia\x34 ­ managing the chaos with a healthy dose of humor. Her next book, a \x34momoir,\x34 will be published in spring 2013. She contributes to many online mom sites, including www.todaysmama.com, www.rolemommy.com and www.newjerseymomsblog.com and is an official blogger for Lifetime Television's hit show, \x34The Balancing Act.\x34 She also does stand-up comedy and has appeared at venues including The Comic Strip Live in NYC and The Erma Bombeck Workshop in Dayton, Ohio. Before she became a columnist, Beckerman was a writer and producer in the television industry for 10 years, managing the advertising & promotion department at WCBS-TV New York. Tracy is married to a very understanding guy. They have two children and live in New Jersey where she writes, does battle with woodchucks and avoids, at all costs, driving a minivan.
Recent Posts
July 9, 2014 5:05 p.m.
July 1, 2014 5:05 p.m.
June 16, 2014 11:10 a.m.
May 22, 2014 11:10 a.m.
May 9, 2014 5:12 p.m.
Nov. 18, 2013 11:16 a.m.

I recently saw a reshowing of Cecil B. DeMille’s classic film, The Ten Commandments.



MV5BMjE0MTg5MTI3OF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwODE5MzMzMQ@@._V1._SX364_SY500_Usually they air this movie around Passover, which makes sense given that it is the story of… Passover.  But I guess this TV station thought the time around Hanukkah would work just as well. Matzoh… latkes… whatever.

Jewish holidays aside, I always loved this movie because, really, who doesn’t love Charlton Heston, whether he is talking to a burning bush or yelling at a bunch of talking apes.  Of course, Yul Brynner was amazing as Pharoh, too, but it was Heston who parted the Red Sea and I think we all know that was the coolest part of the whole movie.  Believe, me I’ve tried to do that in my bathtub and it’s just not as easy as it looks.

Charlton-Heston-as-Moses-The-Ten-Commandments-1956-ParamountAnyway, I was thrilled to have a chance to see it again because I had heard that someone in Hollywood was actually thinking of remaking this movie. Personally, I think this is an exceptionally bad idea, for a number of reasons. First of all, no one can do Moses like Charlton Heston.  They would probably put someone like Russell Crowe in the role and I’d be worried throughout the whole movie that he might break into song like he did in Les Miz.  Shudder.

heston_mosesThe original Ten Commandments movie was four hours long.  To make it work for this Millenium, they’d probably have to cut it way down. The only way to do this would be to cut out maybe five or so plagues and trim the Ten Commandments to seven.  I’m really not sure which commandments could possibly be dropped although, I suspect, coming from Hollywood, numbers 3-10 would be considered optional.

Of course, it’s also likely they would need to expand the original Ten Commandments to account for the differences in our lifestyles today versus when the movie was originally made.  For instance, Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor… would need to be expanded to read, Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor… unless he has a cool car, a hot wife, and the latest iPhone.  Additionally, they might need to make room for a few new commandments, such as Thou Shalt Not Tweet Drunk, and Thou Shalt Not Defriend and Block Your Family on Facebook.

tencommandments rideWith all these additions, it’s more likely that they would have to make the new movie into a two or three-parter, like The Lord of the Rings, which they would probably want to do anyway to make more money from it and drive everyone crazy waiting for the next installment to come out. I also imagine the new movie will be shot in 3D and Imax and Surround Sound and they will probably have real hail come down on you in the theater to make it feel like you are actually part of the now five plagues.  Personally, I prefer to see my movies without being pelted by hail, frogs, or locusts, but the more realistic they can make the movie, the happier everyone will be, especially all the investors and the people who plan to turn the movie into a simulator ride at a theme park in Orlando.

Truthfully, I think there are some things that are sacrosanct and should just be left alone.  I mean, next thing you know, they’ll be making an epic film about Noah’s Ark, starring Russsell Crowe.

Oh, wait.



Please Hollywood, Let My Movie Go!









©2013, Beckerman. All rights reserved.

bookbutton-04My new book, “Lost in Suburbia: A Momoir. How I Got Pregnant. Lost Myself, and Got My Cool Back in the New Jersey Suburbs” is now available. To get a copy for you or a cool mom you love, CLICK HERE

Are you Lost in Suburbia, too? Share your story of losing yourself in motherhood at my new site, Lost in Suburbia Stories.

To become a fan of Lost in Suburbia on Facebook, Visit me here



To follow me on Twitter, visit me here

Recent Posts

    latest blogs

    • Community
    • National