Enjoying moments is a choice.

This month I enjoyed a very rare visit from my sister-in-law from England and her two adorable children.  It helped me to pause and consider some of the things that are my hang-ups when it comes to parenting.  I am, what some would call, "high strung".  If something bad could happen to you, it will, therefore I will be stressed and not enjoy the moments in life that are good.  I try to plan for everything, ridiculously so.  As the visit started out, I recognized immediately how frenzied I was over my children.  

I clucked over them.

My girls are lovely and sweet and well-mannered (as well as kids can be) and they are fun girls.  But they are none of those things when I cluck, and I realized how much I clucked when I watched my SIL enjoy moments.  I would lie in bed at the end of the day and realize I could recall fun things we did during the day, but in the moment I wasn't enjoying them.  WHAT A WASTE!  

So, I internalized why I do this?  What causes me to be this way?  I went searching for answers but it came to me quietly and simply and out of my own mouth when talking to my girls.  

"Who are you in control of?" I said one day to an out-of-control child.

"Myself" they answered.

"If you are grumpy or fearful, whose choice is that?"

"Mine..."

OH.MY.WORD.  I am fearful because I CHOOSE TO BE FEARFUL.  I don't enjoy moments because I CHOOSE TO BE FEARFUL.  My choice determines my attitude, which in turn determines if we are enjoying ourselves.

I love my line of work.  I love being home with my kids.  I do not love being fearful and from this day one will choose not to fear, but to just enjoy the moments.  They are fleeting.  My chicks are growing up.