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Redwood Falls Gazette - Redwood Falls - MN
  • Bump them rubber babies

  • The best column since sliced bread — now read it to find out exactly why that is.
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  • In the Gazette’s July 4 issue I wrote a story about Lamberton-area farmers Ryan and Tiffany Batalden, who grow naturally red, white, and blue varieties of popcorn they market as Patriot Pops popcorn.
    As I was writing the story, since I come from a military background, I repeatedly refered to the little pieces of pre-popped popcorn as “colonels”.
    Luckily during the proofreading, someone caught what I was doing and corrected the word to “kernels”.
    Just call that another example of when a computer’s spell check is no good whatsoever.
    . . . . .
    TRUE, NON-MADE UP VITALLY IMPORTANT TRIVIA OF THE DAY:
    The first bread slicing machine was invented by Otto Frederick Rohwedder, of Davenport, Iowa, in 1928.
    Using Rohwedder’s machine, the Chillocothe Baking Company of Chillocothe, Missouri manufactured the first loafs of sliced bread on July 7, 1928.
    I mention all this since I just learned of it a few days ago in a “what happened on this day in history” website, and want to pass it on as a public service.
    Now the next time you hear someone use the expression that something is “the best thing since sliced bread”, you can legitimately pipe up with, “Oh, you mean since July 7, 1928?”
    . . . . .
    FAKE, MADE-UP TRIVIA I JUST MADE UP OF THE DAY:
    Have you ever wondered how many tongue twisters got started?
    • Ripe white wheat reapers reap ripe white wheat right.
    In 1894, the Minnesota Corn Growers Association lodged a complaint against this tongue twister, demanding it be changed to “Ripe yellow corn producers grow ripe yellow corn correctly” but the suit was dropped after studies showed it became too easy to say.
    • Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
    Peter Piper did this after his revolutionary discovery in 1747 of how to pickle peppers while still on the vine. Most people wait until after the peppers have been harvested to pickle them.
    • She sells seashells by the seashore.
    This tongue twister was developed after Susie Scupper’s Seafood Saloon discovered it could grind up discarded mollusk shells and sell them to tourists as an all-natural calcium supplement in its gift shop.
    • How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
    NONE! BECAUSE WOODCHUCKS DON’T HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS!
    • Toy boat, toy boat, toy boat, (etc., etc.)
    Developed as a jingle lyric by the Mattel Toy Company, Inc. to promote its latest line of aquatic playthings. Unfortunately, getting the Mormon Tabernacle Choir to sing it quickly for a solid minute proved to be a disaster.
    Page 2 of 2 - • Rubber baby buggy bumper
    Now does this one refer to a rubber baby? Or to a rubber bumper? It’s important to be specific. It’s the same words either way, but if you don’t specify whether the baby or the bumper is rubber, people might say the correct words, but intend the incorrect concept.
    Which brings up the question, “How much rubber would a baby bump if a baby would bump rubber?”

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