|
Redwood Falls Gazette - Redwood Falls - MN
  • JOSHUA'S COLUMN — The Invisible Divisible Man

  • I watched the old movie The Invisible Man (1933) last week, and for some reason (Dr. Suess-related, no doubt) the phrase “The Invisible Divisible Man” popped into my head; here’s what my brain did with it:
    • email print
  • I watched the old movie The Invisible Man (1933) last week, and for some reason (Dr. Suess-related, no doubt) the phrase “The Invisible Divisible Man” popped into my head.
    Here’s what my brain did with it:
    Mad Scientist Josh: “Eureka! I’ve discovered the secret for becoming invisible!”
    Igor: “Who said that?”
    Mad Scientist Josh: “Me. I’m on the other side of the door.”
    Igor: “Oh, sorry. There you are! But master, I can still see you!”
    Mad Scientist Josh: “Not for long! I haven’t actually imbibed the formula yet. But as soon as I down this beaker of potion, I shall become completely invisible! Observe!”
    (Glug, glug, glug.)
    Igor: “‘Observe’? Isn’t that a contradiction in terms when someone is invisible?”
    Mad Scientist Josh: “Is the formula working?”
    Igor: “No, I can still see you.”
    Mad Scientist Josh: “Maybe if I do some jumping jacks to increase my heart rate, get the ol’ circulation moving....”
    Igor: “Oh, weird! You’re getting transparent in the middle.”
    Mad Scientist Josh: “I guess it makes sense my stomach would turn invisible first., since that’s where the formula is. It just stands to reason. Waagh! All of a sudden I’ve got a splitting headache!”
    Igor: “That’s not all that’s splitting, master. You’re dividing in two. There are two transparent overlapping yous, like a double exposure in an old movie! And now one is stepping away from the other one.”
    Transparent Josh #1: “Hello!”
    Transparent Josh#2: “Oh, great.”
    Igor: “Master...Masters! Now I can’t see either of you at all!”
    Invisible Josh #2: “That’s odd. I didn’t see anything about this side effect written on the beaker. You think there’d be a warning label or something.”
    Invisible Josh #1: “We just...I mean, I just invented it, idiot. This is intolerable. Maybe if we run into each other real hard, we’ll merge back into one me.”
    Invisible Josh #2: “Good idea. Here we go!”
    Igor: “I think I’ll step into the other room for a moment.” (Leaves.)
    (The Invisible Joshes run and completely miss each other.)
    Invisible Josh #1: “Wait a second. Where are you?”
    Invisible Josh #2: “By the table, next to the microscope. Where are you?”
    Page 2 of 2 - Invisible Josh #1: “Right over here, by the... (Accidentally knocks over a floor lamp.) Oops.”
    (Several days later, after Invisible Josh #1 and #2 have both flushed out their systems with a lot of water and trips to the bathroom, there’s only one visible Josh left.)
    Single Visible Josh: “Okay, that was a bad idea. But now onto my next invention. Igor?”
    Invisible Igor #1: “Did you know that beaker of formula you left sitting out looked remarkably like a glass of Mountain Dew?”
    . . . . .
    I’ll never forget the spring of 2013. That was some of the nicest 14 hours in Redwood’s history.
      • calendar