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Redwood Falls Gazette - Redwood Falls - MN
  • JOSHUA'S COLUMN: Housepainting: a dog’s story

  • When our house was painted, the human members of the Dixon family were fine with the windows being covered with translucent plastic; the dogs however....
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  • Last week the exterior of the Dixon house was painted. The big pink stucco box is now the big white-and-blue stucco box.
    Part of the process involved the painters covering the windows and doors with protective translucent plastic sheets.
    We, the human members of the Dixon family, accepted not being able to see outside for several days with our standard calm and equanimity.
    Our schnauzers Rufus the Wonder Dog, and his little sister Raffi the Dog of Destiny, weren’t so excited about the windows all being covered, however.
    Their conversation went something like this (English translation follows):
    Raffi: “Say, Rufus, could you come here to the back door for a moment?”
    Rufus: “Certainly, Raffi, I would be happ... Crikey!”
    Raffi: “Startling, isn’t it?”
    Rufus: “It would appear someone has placed a cloudy barrier over the normal clear barrier that prevents us from going outside and inside as we please, but that nevertheless allows us to see into our back yard.”
    Raffi: “The other clear barriers are all covered as well.”
    Rufus: “Now that’s just odd.”
    Raffi: “Moreover, if you listen closely, what do you hear?”
    Rufus: “My finely-tuned canine sense of hearing detects ... people moving about in our back yard!!”
    Raffi: “Perhaps they are here to steal our toys from the back yard!”
    Rufus: “Let us stand here by the back door and tell them to go away! Go away, people in our back yard!”
    Raffi: “Go away, people in our back yard! Go away, people in our back yard!”
    Rufus: “Go away, people in our back yard! Go away, people in our back yard! Go away, people in our back yard!”
    Raffi: “Go away people in our back yard!”
    Rufus: “Our humans here in the house would like us to be quiet now.”
    (Just then the humanoid shadow of a house painter crosses the translucent sheeting. The dogs get very still.)
    Rufus: “I believe I’ll go upstairs to take a nap on our adult human beings’ bed for awhile. Especially if one of them is up there, too.” (Does.)
    Raffi: “I believe I’ll lie down on the floor by the back door, place my nose right up against the seam at the bottom of the door, and sniff my lungs out trying to see if I can detect the scent of the interlopers outside.” (Does.)
    (When the house is finally finished and the sheeting is removed, the dogs run outside.)
    Page 2 of 2 - Rufus: “Our toys are still here!”
    Raffi: “There are many fascinating new scents on the ground for me to sniff! Yay!”
    Rufus: “Say ... does the outside of the house look different to you?”
    . . . . .
    After the past week — when it nearly reached 100 degrees within a week of everyone being afraid of more snow — I feel sorry for people who live in California.
    It must be terrible to live someplace where the weather is pleasant all the time, where you never get to experience these things called “seasons”.
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