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Redwood Falls Gazette - Redwood Falls - MN
  • JOSHUA'S COLUMN — All the news that fits, we print

  • The next time you’re metaphorically painted into a corner, ask, “Is it really so terrible if I leave footprints in it?”
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  • The next time you’re metaphorically painted into a corner, ask, “Is it really so terrible if I leave footprints in it?”
    It’s hugely liberating to realize you can just stand up and walk out of a painted corner any time you want — if you don’t mind a little mess.
    . . . . .
    Great whines of history:
    Egypt, 4,500 B.C.:
    Prince Tut: “Daddy, you said I could have a pyramid of my own. You said!”
    Pharaoh Amen-o-tep: “No, I did not.”
    Prince Tut: “Please? Pleeeeeeease?”
    Pharaoh Amen-o-tep: “Grrr, if it will make you shut your trap. Guard, go capture the Israelites and built the prince a pyramid. The things I do for a few minutes peace and quiet around here. Holy buckets.”
    France, 1807:
    Josephine: “But Nappy honey, you promised if I made you a cheese bagel you’d conquer Europe for me, instituting a reign of terror while revolutionizing legal and monetary codes!”
    Napoleon: “Fine, fine, whatever. Jeez.”
    Italy, 1503:
    Mona Lisa: “Hey-a, Leonardo! Wazza matta for you, eh? All this time, you been saying you a-gonna paint a snapshot of me while I still got my looks. You wanna get on with it, huh? I put on five pounds after the mozzarella festival last week.”
    Leonardo da Vinci: “Do you mind? Man eating ravioli here. I get-a to the pic after lunch, okay? Now stifle!”
    . . . . .
    Actual headlines from 100 year old editions of the Redwood Gazette. I swear I’m not making any of these up:
    • Jan. 28, 1913: Council rejects petition for fourth saloon
    • Feb. 11, 1913: “Uncle” Ira Reynolds has bad attack of just plain homesickness
    • Feb. 28, 1913: Augusta Jenning Returns home, escaped again next day and officers found her by tracing her through the snow
    • March 14, 1913: Belview goes dry by a vote of more than two to one at the Tuesday election
    • April 8, 1913: R.E. Fuller Disposes of Yearling Percheron Stallion, Pride of Redwood County
    • May 12, 1913: Rest room now ready; Mr. and Mrs. Huntsberry have fitted up room for country ladies while in town.
    • May 12, 1913: Single men defeat married men; Interesting game of ball by businessmen on local diamond Thursday afternoon; “Young Bucks” too much for their opponents by a score of 7 to 4.
    • July 11, 1913: Women for members of school board; Why they want women on the board of education.
    • August 14, 1913: Auto increase is remarkably large; Secretary of State gives report of State’s extravagance in purchasing cars
    Page 2 of 2 - • December 30, 1913: Filo D. Finch dies suddenly Sunday; Organic heart trouble causes death at home of brother-in-law, W. Peavey.
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