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Redwood Falls Gazette - Redwood Falls - MN
  • There's no future in making predictions

  • It’s good they didn’t have me write the answers to the old Magic 8-Ball toy. The way this week has been going, I would have come up with answers like....
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  • Did you ever have one of those Magic 8-Ball toys?
    I’m sure you’ve seen them. They were those little water-filled balls where you’d ask a question, shake the thing, and watch a little dice-thing float up to the top with an answer.
    Well, it’s good they didn’t have me write the answers. The way this week has been going, I would have come up with answers like:
    • No duh.
    • Like I care.
    • Way to go, Captain Obvious.
    • Whatever.
    • For the love of God, no!
    • Loser.
    • I’m just sure.
    • Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
    Yes, it’s probably better they didn’t have me write the answers.
    . . . . .
    According to astronomers, winter in the Central Time Zone officially began this year at 5:21 p.m. last Friday. That was the moment the northern hemisphere of the Earth was tilted the most oblique from the sun.
    As it happens, last Friday was also the day the world was supposed to end, at least according to one well-publicized interpretation of the old Mayan calendar.
    Coincidence? I think not. To Mayans living in a tropical zone, a typical Minnesota winter probably fit their definition of the end of the world.
    Before we get too smug (“In your face, Mayans!”), we should keep in mind they had a lot more  experience with man-eating panthers and poisonous snakes than we do.
    . . . . .
    The other night I was out walking with one of my kids, and she said she liked “scrunchy” snow.
    I asked what she meant by that.
    She said she liked snow that had melted just a little bit, enough to form a crust on top. Then when you walk through it, it makes the sound, “scrunch, scrunch, scrunch, scrunch....”
    I said I liked snow that hadn’t formed a layer of ice on top, and was soft and powdery all the way through. I called that “wuff” snow, because when you walk through it, it makes the sound, “wuff, wuff, wuff, wuff....”
    The Innuit people of Alaska and Canada supposedly have 200 words to describe different textures and colors of snow.
    I guess Sarah and I only have 198 more words to invent now.
    Note: people who have spent their whole lives in southern California only have one word for snow, said loudly and accompanied by much pointing: “Dude!”
    . . . . .
    To make local sporting events more festive during this holiday season, I think they should make high school basketball players dress up as Santa during games.
    Page 2 of 2 - But that’s just me.
    . . . . .
    I don’t know about you, but “2013” sounds pretty science fictionish. Where’s my flying car?

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