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Redwood Falls Gazette - Redwood Falls - MN
  • Things you’ll never see

  • I'm sorry, but there are some things you'll never see in your life no matter how hard you look. Here are 10 of them.
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  • Top 10 Things You’ll Never See in Your Life, No Matter How Hard You Look:
    1) A whale climbing a mountain.
    2) A thought balloon over someone’s head showing what he or she is thinking.
    3) A dog who doesn’t like cheese.
    4) A real-life Klingon.
    5) An eight-foot tall man tap-dancing on the ceiling.
    6) A number. Not the representation of a number written out, mind you, or seen as a collection of items of a certain count, but an actual NUMBER. I mean, really what is a number?
    7) A bearded guy wearing a tutu burst into the room and say, “Where’s the paint? I can’t find the paint!” and then he picks up a fly swatter and hits a ghost with it, and then the ghost starts crying and Little Orphan Annie comes in and gives it a Kleenix, and the bearded guy in the tutu jumps through the window and flies away.
    8) A reverse light bulb, that when you turn it on makes the room darker.
    9) Your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandchildren, or their pets.
    10) A wardrobe that will let you visit Narnia. I know: what a rip-off.
    . . . . .
    CORRECTION ALERT:
    Last week I wrote a story about Matt Guetter, the man at the Redwood County highway department who takes care of the county’s road signs.
    All well and good. In the article itself, I referred to him as Matt.
    Unfortunately, when I was writing the headline and columns, I had a brain-glitch and wrote “Mark” Guetter.
    I apologize to Matt for the screw-up.
    . . . . .
    Several years ago my wife and I went on our honeymoon.
    (Rereading that sentence, I thought, “Well obviously I went with my wife. Who else would I have gone with?” Some sentences are just silly.)
    Anyway, for two weeks we drove up the Pacific coast from Los Angeles to Seattle.
    And for two weeks I was reminded of something I miss from living in Minnesota: the lack of allergies.
    For two weeks we were never more than a few miles, at most, from millions of square miles of seawater.
    Many mornings we stepped outside to see clouds of clean, fresh fog drifting in from the sea.
    And for two weeks, my hay fever and other seasonal allergies completely vanished.
    I like living in rural Minnesota in many ways, but my lungs and sinuses sometimes have a different opinion.
    . . . . .
    Having raised small children, and now raising teenagers, I think raising teenagers is easier.
    Am I alone in thinking that, or have other people discovered that, too?
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