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Redwood Falls Gazette
  • Things that make me crazy

  •   If you look at a globe, ignoring all the different colors that define the nations, and just look at the land masses, you’ll notice something interesting: Redwood Falls is in almost the exact center of the huge continent that runs from Canada to Central America....
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    If you look at a globe, ignoring all the different colors that define the nations, and just look at the land masses, you’ll notice something interesting:
    Redwood Falls is in almost the exact center of the huge continent that runs from Canada to Central America.
    Yep, Redwood Falls is about as far away from an ocean as you can get while still being on the North American continent.
    I, for one, think that stinks.
    For one thing, oceans regulate the climate. The reason Redwood gets such miserably hot, humid summers and cold, biting winters? It’s our distance from an ocean.
    Two, oceans help keep the air clean and fresh. All those nasty allergies Minnesotans get in hay fever season? If you live by the ocean they’re not an issue.
    Three, oceans sound cool. I love the sound of the waves crashing in 24 hours a day. 
    However, I know there are people out there who, after four days, would be standing on their back porches, shaking their fists at the waves and shouting “Shut up! Shut up!”
    When my wife experienced the ocean for the first time, she was just about driven crazy by the sound of waves crashing in a hundred yards from our hotel room all night. 
    Later on she was able to laugh, “I never realized the waves go on all night, too.”
    . . . . .
    You know floaters, those almost invisible dust motes on the surface of your eye that pass through your vision all the time?
    They drive some people crazy. Me, eh. Ninety-nine percent of the time I never notice them.
    But if a speck of dust lands on my computer or TV screen, I run for the nearest paper towel to wipe the screen clean.
    And worst of all?
    Fingerprints on a computer or TV screen. That’s just sacrilegious. 
    I never leave them on a screen myself, so by definition, if I see a fingerprint on a screen, it means someone’s been touching my TV or computer screen.
    In some countries, that’s a hanging offense. Or at least it should be.
    . . . . .
    Farmfest and the county fair are coming up soon.
    That can only mean one thing: on those days, it’s either going to be 120 degrees with 100 percent humidity, or a raging monsoon with eight inches of rain and people running around in garbage bag ponchos.
    In all the times I’ve been to Farmfest in the last 15 years, I think there’s only been two or three days I’d describe as “pleasant”, weather-wise.
    Oh well. The food is worth the trip just by itself.
     
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